The Limits of Acceptance

There was some gossip circulating among my co-workers two weeks ago about one of the new guys that got hired. They were all speculating as to whether he was gay since he was young and fit and clean cut...and a little prissy. He didn't curse and he never ever talked about "nailing chicks" or "getting pussy." They overlooked the possibility that maybe he was just a nice guy who was unsure of how he should act on the new job front. I stuck up for him because, frankly, I've worked with and accepted a variety of personalities, ethnic groups and sexual preferences through my long career in the movie theater industry. Gays who looked straight, gays who flamed, hot lesbian types and the mullet- wearing dike variety too. Their sexual preference didn't bother me and my only reaction was sometimes amusement... at how far some would take the public flaunting of their sexual flamboyance. The glitter teeshirts proclaiming themselves as "boy candy" or "lez be friends." The steps we take to find love and acceptance can take many forms that have nothing to do with crossing gender lines though. It can be a question of a guy wanting the hot chick but settling for the fat chick. I used to work with a black male who routinely passed over attractive black women to actively pursue less attractive white women. He felt it somehow reflected better on him to be seen with a white girl even if she was 300 pounds. Hey, I say, whatever gets you through the night. I've seen some, male and female, who were summarily rejected at every turn by the opposite sex and so "settled" for anyone of the same sex that showed an inkling of interest. Were they gay? I'm not even sure if they knew.

But I think this touches on something that I just recently discussed. Love and Acceptance and how much we need it. Everybody. And what happens if we don't find it. The old saying "any port in a storm" comes to mind. I think it fits. Standards we set for ourselves change under certain circumstances but a lot of us never find ourselves in those desperate circumstances where we finally say " well guys seem to hate me, maybe I'll try girls...or the attractive girls reject me, I'll settle for the skanks. I 've never done research into it but I would guess that a lot of people in our prison system didn't go in as homosexuals but over time developed a taste for the same sex simply ... well...not simply... but because they needed the acceptance...the companionship and affection where traditional choices were not available. I liken the situation to the movie "Castaway" where a volleyball becomes Tom Hanks' companion and in the most complex way, his only link to sanity. The next time you see someone out in the world in a relationship, take a moment to think about the steps it took them to get there and what was lost or given up, or actually what was ultimately gained, in the way of hopes and dreams.

Many years ago Bill Murray and Harold Ramis starred in a movie called "Stripes" where they and others enlist in the army to forget about all the bad stuff happening in their civilian lives. As Murray and Ramis's characters are being interviewed as to their suitability as soldiers the recruiter asks them if they are homosexuals. In a wisecracking response Ramis replies "No, we are not homosexuals, but we are willing to learn." It's telling and funny. Not that homosexuality is a learned behavior, but it says that if circumstances require it, it's possible to accept it..
  Twice in my life I have been informed that a male acquaintance (my hair dresser) and later a male co-worker had romantic feelings for me, but as I told a friend recently, "I haven't joined that club yet." Two marriages and several girlfriends in my life and I've always remained true to my heterosexuality, but in today's world where uncertainty looms around every corner and every relationship, I jokingly tell friends who ask questions about my romantic leanings, "Well, I;m not dead yet,,,and the day ain't over."




Ramis quips,