Cadillac Jack and The Burden of Time

    Looking out the dusty window pane Polly GoodPiece followed the movement of the lone figure walking slowly in the desert as it approached from the distance and finally arrived on the front porch of the modest structure that was home to the man just now arriving. She had invited herself in without prior consent but she knew her car parked conspicuously outside next to his vintage '57 Cadillac El dorado would be the clue that a visitor would greet him as he opened the front door cautiously. He removed the well worn wide brimmed fedora from his head and dabbed the sweat from his brow and then made a defiant warning to his as yet unseen guest.                        

     "Whoever you are you best be aware that rattlesnakes and          scorpions frequently find their way inside here just as you         have.I generally kill some and cook the others for supper. Not       too many strangers pop in on me so I don't rightly know what I'll wind up doing with you until you identify yourself."    

The figure paused and waited for a response from the unwelcomed visitor who then stepped into view out of the shadows in the corner of the room.                  

     "Hello Jack. It's been a long time" Polly announced demurely.        

     "You have to forgive me. Sometimes the desert heat plays tricks with my eyes and ears. My God, is it really you Polly?"Jack asked.

     " You know you're not an easy person to find. A mutual friend of ours thought you might be in Las Vegas and he gave me the names of some of your old haunts. There was a Pit Boss at a casino on the strip who said he knew you or someone named Cadillac Jack who lived somewhere out in the Arizona desert that traveled back and forth. I figured it might be you. Whats the matter ...the name Jack Dangerfield wasn't suiting you anymore? Polly said.

Jack smiled knowingly and passed by her as he went to the kitchen to get a drink. He offered Polly a bottle of her own but she declined.

    " You know as well as I do that being Jack Dangerfield isn't good for my health these days. By the way, its probably not a good idea to be seen with me or asking strangers about me. For all I know there are people who followed you out here, people who would do anything to have my head on a platter." He warned. "Besides being Cadillac Jack isn't so bad. I saved my money and have enough to squander in Vegas every now and then. The only down side is keeping the caddy in vintage condition in this dry desert climate. Not to mention the occasional sand storm."He explained.

Polly sighed and looked out a window overlooking the makeshift garage that shielded Jack's prized automobile.
    
     "That's funny.I remember the last time we rode in it together.We were in New York City for a week seeing the sights together. We had a wonderful time there and our last night you took me out to the fanciest restaurant I had ever been to until then. I never told you but I was convinced that you were going to propose to me then."

Jack responded with a slight embarrassed blush on his face fortunately hidden by his suntanned complexion.

     "I don't know what to say except that I probably did you a favor by not doing that. That's the thing about love triangles. They always leave somebody with a broken heart. Not really sure who I was protecting, me or you or even Roger. You know he was in love with you too. I would have surely lost a friend over that. My best friend. Those are a rare commodity in my line of work."

    " Roger asks about you occasionally. I suppose he wonders if we still keep in touch. I assure him that we don't but I think he still suspects that we do anyway. I tell him that after your ordeal with Dick Dragon you needed time to yourself." Polly answered.

    "My ordeal with Dick Dragon was why I left. That's true. He was the closest thing to a bonafide supervillain that I ever knew. You know what he wanted from me and I couldn't let that happen."

    " Now that you mention it, what ever happened to your other ride? The one that wasn't street legal I mean. You do still have it don't you?" Polly said with an inquiring plea.

Cadillac Jack looked away from Polly and gazed into empty space as if solving a mathematical equation in his head. He chose his words carefully. 
  
    "I was never really sure if anyone would take care of it and understand how to drive it as well as Jack Dangerfield did. Surely not Cadillac Jack. The thing about driving a vehicle like that is that its very tricky getting to and from certain places. Every journey and every destination is equally complex though.. Forgive me for talking in riddles but a vehicle like that... a thing like that... should never be driven by anyone I can think of. But to answer your question, I could tell that I buried it somewhere out there in the desert, some place where nobody would ever think to look in the hope that maybe one day I could actually take another drive. One that would change things for the better. Maybe Jack Dangerfield would have saved it but Cadillac Jack... he destroyed it because it was too much trouble to maintain. And frankly who needs a burden like that?"  

Polly GoodPiece turned her gaze downward as she listened to his final words. A look of disappointed resignation overtook her face.

    " Well, I guess I should be going. I have a long trip ahead of me tonight and my flight back home leaves at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow."

Jack felt the awkwardness of the moment as she started to leave and he wanted the opportunity to say more and explain more but he didn't. He merely expressed regret for not having known she was coming. "I would have picked you up and brought you back to the airport. It would have been like old times Polly. Wait, what am I saying, how could you know for sure that you would find me?" He said. "You know, you never did tell me why you really came all the way out here to see me."

    " I just wanted to see you Jack. Something has been eating at me lately and silly me thought you might be the only one who could advise me about it. That's all."

    " Well, ask me now before you leave. Maybe there's something I could do."Jack replied.

Polly fumbled with her purse as she retrieved her car keys for the long drive back.

    " Oh Jack, I guess I wasted my time coming here but I know you and how you feel about phones and technology and such. A phone call wasn't an option. You know, you touched on something earlier. Something about broken hearts and that kind of nonsense. Let me ask you this one thing before I leave. If you knew someone with a broken heart and you had the means to fix it , wouldn't you at least want to try?" Polly asked.

"Whoa,did you say hearts? You above all people know that's not my area of expertise. There's no logic involved but just for the sake of argument, just on the chance that you're asking me what I think you're asking me, this is my answer, you can't know for sure what will happen. Jack Dangerfield would tell you that if you fix one broken heart by unnatural means a thousand more may be broken because of it. I ask you, who could live with that uncertainty?"

Jack watched the trail of dust kicked up from Polly's car as she pulled away and disappeared over the horizon and he knew full well what her intention had been all along. At least he thought he knew and because of that he resolved to drink himself to sleep that night. One of the benefits of living alone he thought was that no one could see what had really become of Jack Dangerfield, the once unstoppable force of nature. In his state of numbness he asked the absent Polly a silent cryptic question,
" How do you think it got broken in the first place,honey?" 

Cadillac Jack and The Burden of Time

    Looking out the dusty window pane Polly GoodPiece followed the movement of the lone figure walking slowly in the desert as it approached from the distance and finally arrived on the front porch of the modest structure that was home to the man just now arriving. She had invited herself in without prior consent but she knew her car parked conspicuously outside next to his vintage '57 Cadillac El dorado would be the clue that a visitor would greet him as he opened the front door cautiously. He removed the well worn wide brimmed fedora from his head and dabbed the sweat from his brow and then made a defiant warning to his as yet unseen guest.                        

     "Whoever you are you best be aware that rattlesnakes and          scorpions frequently find their way inside here just as you         have.I generally kill some and cook the others for supper. Not       too many strangers pop in on me so I don't rightly know what I'll wind up doing with you until you identify yourself."    

The figure paused and waited for a response from the unwelcomed visitor who then stepped into view out of the shadows in the corner of the room.                  

     "Hello Jack. It's been a long time" Polly announced demurely.        

     "You have to forgive me. Sometimes the desert heat plays tricks with my eyes and ears. My God, is it really you Polly?"Jack asked.

     " You know you're not an easy person to find. A mutual friend of ours thought you might be in Las Vegas and he gave me the names of some of your old haunts. There was a Pit Boss at a casino on the strip who said he knew you or someone named Cadillac Jack who lived somewhere out in the Arizona desert that traveled back and forth. I figured it might be you. Whats the matter ...the name Jack Dangerfield wasn't suiting you anymore? Polly said.

Jack smiled knowingly and passed by her as he went to the kitchen to get a drink. He offered Polly a bottle of her own but she declined.

    " You know as well as I do that being Jack Dangerfield isn't good for my health these days. By the way, its probably not a good idea to be seen with me or asking strangers about me. For all I know there are people who followed you out here, people who would do anything to have my head on a platter." He warned. "Besides being Cadillac Jack isn't so bad. I saved my money and have enough to squander in Vegas every now and then. The only down side is keeping the caddy in vintage condition in this dry desert climate. Not to mention the occasional sand storm."He explained.

Polly sighed and looked out a window overlooking the makeshift garage that shielded Jack's prized automobile.
    
     "That's funny.I remember the last time we rode in it together.We were in New York City for a week seeing the sights together. We had a wonderful time there and our last night you took me out to the fanciest restaurant I had ever been to until then. I never told you but I was convinced that you were going to propose to me then."

Jack responded with a slight embarrassed blush on his face fortunately hidden by his suntanned complexion.

     "I don't know what to say except that I probably did you a favor by not doing that. That's the thing about love triangles. They always leave somebody with a broken heart. Not really sure who I was protecting, me or you or even Roger. You know he was in love with you too. I would have surely lost a friend over that. My best friend. Those are a rare commodity in my line of work."

    " Roger asks about you occasionally. I suppose he wonders if we still keep in touch. I assure him that we don't but I think he still suspects that we do anyway. I tell him that after your ordeal with Dick Dragon you needed time to yourself." Polly answered.

    "My ordeal with Dick Dragon was why I left. That's true. He was the closest thing to a bonafide supervillain that I ever knew. You know what he wanted from me and I couldn't let that happen."

    " Now that you mention it, what ever happened to your other ride? The one that wasn't street legal I mean. You do still have it don't you?" Polly said with an inquiring plea.

Cadillac Jack looked away from Polly and gazed into empty space as if solving a mathematical equation in his head. He chose his words carefully. 
  
    "I was never really sure if anyone would take care of it and understand how to drive it as well as Jack Dangerfield did. Surely not Cadillac Jack. The thing about driving a vehicle like that is that its very tricky getting to and from certain places. Every journey and every destination is equally complex though.. Forgive me for talking in riddles but a vehicle like that... a thing like that... should never be driven by anyone I can think of. But to answer your question, I could tell that I buried it somewhere out there in the desert, some place where nobody would ever think to look in the hope that maybe one day I could actually take another drive. One that would change things for the better. Maybe Jack Dangerfield would have saved it but Cadillac Jack... he destroyed it because it was too much trouble to maintain. And frankly who needs a burden like that?"  

Polly GoodPiece turned her gaze downward as she listened to his final words. A look of disappointed resignation overtook her face.

    " Well, I guess I should be going. I have a long trip ahead of me tonight and my flight back home leaves at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow."

Jack felt the awkwardness of the moment as she started to leave and he wanted the opportunity to say more and explain more but he didn't. He merely expressed regret for not having known she was coming. "I would have picked you up and brought you back to the airport. It would have been like old times Polly. Wait, what am I saying, how could you know for sure that you would find me?" He said. "You know, you never did tell me why you really came all the way out here to see me."

    " I just wanted to see you Jack. Something has been eating at me lately and silly me thought you might be the only one who could advise me about it. That's all."

    " Well, ask me now before you leave. Maybe there's something I could do."Jack replied.

Polly fumbled with her purse as she retrieved her car keys for the long drive back.

    " Oh Jack, I guess I wasted my time coming here but I know you and how you feel about phones and technology and such. A phone call wasn't an option. You know, you touched on something earlier. Something about broken hearts and that kind of nonsense. Let me ask you this one thing before I leave. If you knew someone with a broken heart and you had the means to fix it , wouldn't you at least want to try?" Polly asked.

"Whoa,did you say hearts? You above all people know that's not my area of expertise. There's no logic involved but just for the sake of argument, just on the chance that you're asking me what I think you're asking me, this is my answer, you can't know for sure what will happen. Jack Dangerfield would tell you that if you fix one broken heart by unnatural means a thousand more may be broken because of it. I ask you, who could live with that uncertainty?"

Jack watched the trail of dust kicked up from Polly's car as she pulled away and disappeared over the horizon and he knew full well what her intention had been all along. At least he thought he knew and because of that he resolved to drink himself to sleep that night. One of the benefits of living alone he thought was that no one could see what had really become of Jack Dangerfield, the once unstoppable force of nature. In his state of numbness he asked the absent Polly a silent cryptic question,
" How do you think it got broken in the first place,honey?" 

For David

For David 

I tried to find solace and comfort listening to music on Wednesday after I was informed of David's death, but it was a futile exercise. The news brought me to my knees and overwhelmed me. My mind was flooded with bits and pieces of memories from our youth and my brain began to mentally catalogue the countless mutual rites of passage  that we experienced together. What we learned about life and love and all that other stuff in between , we learned together. After all, he was for all purposes more a brother to me than a friend. I knew his house and backyard better than I knew my own. I always assumed that I was welcome there and ,like it or not The Millers had a third son in me.                                                                                I was always impressed with David's curiosity about everything- science, chemistry, model rocketry, race cars, mechanics, electronics and of course music. All of these things at such an early age but music was the thing that sealed our bond. When we discovered that , it gave us both a sense of direction and power. We played and sang together side by side for fifteen years or more and, to make things more interesting , we even found                                                                                       time to fight over the opposite sex.     

  Although we stayed in touch we did eventually each go our own way.

You know, college and all. Work and such. We went separate ways not intentionally but incidentally.  We made new friends that weren't mutual friends because we were pulled in two different directions. For a while David tried his hand at acting with Slidell Little Theatre and sang in a Barbershop Quartet too. I believe I was the very first patient he examined as Dr. Miller O.D.  when he happened to be showing me his new office on the day his equipment finally arrived. 

  I guess marriage changes a person. Having children does too. It is a natural progression though and David eased into the role of husband and father with his usual confidence. By its nature marriage alters existing friendships and different priorities emerge but David was always David. He was  a performer and a risk taker to boot. A pattern in his behavior became apparent as early as elementary school to me.  I admired his confidence and his willingness to get on the stage in Junior High and in High School whether to play or act. As far as his romantic conquests are concerned David confided in me often and he opened up to me about everyone and everything during long and protracted midnight drives in his car on the streets of Slidell. Maybe he didn't realize it at the time but in addition to listening I was also mentally taking notes. Let's face it , he knew how to get the girl.  Was he a Romeo? No I don't think so. But a charmer? Absolutely. Likeable and funny. I salute him for his game and I will admit  now that I was often jealous of it in my teenage years. No big surprise there.

  I still don't know where he got the notion that skydiving was a worthwhile endeavor but he tried that as well. And fishing? That was news to me. 

 Over the past two decades David and I had very little to say to one another. At a class reunion a couple of years ago, we barely said two words to one another the entire time. I'm prepared to say that it was my fault in that ,in this day and age with technology the way it is, I could have made the call and reached out to him. We could have spent a day together showing pictures of our kids and reminiscing about band bus trips and rock star ambitions from our past. We could have done it face to face easily.  Thanks to social media  I was instead able to piece together his life as a dutiful husband, proud father and  doting grandpa from afar. It was a laudable end to a well spent life and I was happy for him. Whether he thought about our friendship much in his later years I don't really know. 

  I recently was watching a television program and one of the characters said something that hit me and in hindsight I think It was because it perfectly described my relationship with David.

The dialogue went something like this.

" You knew him for a long time."

" I guess you could say that, but it would probably be more precise to say that I knew him a long time ago."

 In the final analysis I knew him only for a portion of his life, maybe half. The rest of it I experienced from a distance. But that half that I knew was essential to my own growth and happiness.

David Miller and I fought like brothers at times and then reconciled in like manner. I'd like to think in the wake of his death that he ultimately cared about me the same way I cared about him.

It was solid but unspoken and unchanged by years.