Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Deliverer

It is done

Her fate is sealed

Not by God or Destiny

But by her own hand


With stern determination she will fight

Defying what she sees as inevitable

Longing to undo what has kept her down

rebelling against what she sees as her only path


She will cry and weep at her own misfortune

She will curse God for the person that she is thus far

And pray to become the one that she wants to be

And in the end what she fears most will still come to pass


Not by God or Destiny

But by her own hand

She will be The Deliverer

And history will repeat itself


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Small Talk At The Macaroni Grill


R: I would tell you that you haven't changed a bit, but that would be a lie.
C: Am I supposed to be hurt by that...forever young, is that what you want?
That's a romantic notion and total bullshit.
R: I was going to say that you've aged gracefully, but I guess that isn't what you'd expect from me.
C: Nobody expects that from you. Everybody tells me you're...I don't know...stuck.
R: What do you mean... everybody?
C: Our classmates...the old gang. What...does that surprise you? You don't think other people keep in touch? Isn't that why I'm here?
R: You know...I thought I saw you the other day...at the mall in Baton Rouge.
C: Really...you should have said something...we could have had coffee or something then.
R: No, you don't understand. I realized it wasn't you but just wishful thinking on my part.
And now that I see you, I see it was just a figment of my imagination. It was how I
wanted you to be.
C: Oh, I see...and now you're disappointed at the real me. Seriously...I can't imagine what your expectations were.
R: Just bear with me...okay? I'm just like you. I've lived my life...raised a family...worked a job
gotten older. But lately I've been thinking about how it all adds up...or maybe how it doesn't
add up.
C: How what adds up...I don't understand. You're not making sense.
R: Do you remember in high school...you wrote in my yearbook.
C: Dear, I wrote in all of your yearbooks. Which one are you talking about? You can't possibly expect me...
R: It was something about how you hoped I would finally find that island to live on. When I re- read it recently I was confused too. It must have been something I said to you...maybe in a moment of self doubt. I think I must have been dreading the end of high school or something. But you... you were anxious for it to end. I remember.
C: You and me were already over...surely you remember that. I was never that hung up on old relationships.
R: You do know that I was just following you. I only went to LSU to be near you...Christ what a disaster!
C: Yeah, well...lessons learned...bridges burned... what's with all this nostalgia lately. That was a dozen dress sizes and two chins ago.
I haven't looked like that in decades. You know the real issue here isn't you and me. It's just you boo hooing over lost youth. I watched the videos. All those old photos. You just don't want to grow old.
R: Hmmph, very funny. First I treated it like art, you know...I separated myself from the emotions and treated it like a philosophical viewpoint...that true love never dies.
C: Is that what you really believe?
R: It's what I wanted to be true. What do I really believe? I believe it dies often and endlessly. And it turns into something else.
C: Let me guess...a bitter sweet memory?
R: A white-washed sterilized version of itself. A passionless memory devoid of any meaning.
No matter how much I tried, I couldn't make it mean anything. How about you...did it mean anything to you?
C: Of course it did...at the time. It was the same thing for me as it was for everybody we knew.
R: Only infatuation...is that what you're going to say?
C: Hmm, I was going to say practice...practice for the mature relationships we would eventually have.
R: But you did love me then...I didn't make that up, did I? I didn't just imagine it.
C: Let me answer this way. It's 40 years later and I'm sitting here with you now. Make what you will of it.
R: Are we gonna split this check?